Reflections of Light

Following

Debbie Sidusky — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 21:04:48 +0000

For the past few New Years I have said, “This is the year, this is the year I will actually do something with my writing; write a devotional that can be used somewhere, piece my writings together for a book, write every day…….” Well, a good three years later and the closest I have come to any of those things is writing more often and by more often I mean every few months. I tend to think of that as failing. I feel I am supposed to write and maybe lead others to Christ through my writings, at least show others a side of God that maybe they hadn’t thought about before. If I am supposed to be doing something so important then why in the heck isn’t God allowing me to have more time to achieve this goal? Why would God give me a talent and then no time to use it? If there wasn’t so much going on all the time then I could most definitely find the time. If, if, if……….

This year I did not make any resolutions to write more or get published or find somewhere that could use my stuff as devotionals. This year I simply did not set any goals pertaining to writing. This year I want God to use me, not me trying to do exactly what I think I should be doing and then questioning why things aren’t going as planned. What is that saying? If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans. This whole time I have been setting these unrealistic goals and then getting upset when there was no real progress. Brilliant, I know.

Maybe it isn’t that I am supposed to write, maybe I am just supposed to allow myself to be flexible and bend to what God wants me to do. A few months ago I had a God leading me experience, new to me, totally out of my comfort zone and a bit scary. As much as I tried to make excuses, the more adamant the Holy Spirit was that I followed through and did as I was being called to do. I did follow through and have met an amazing young lady through the process.

This year I want to be led and be obedient and not set goals limiting to God’s leading, my agenda is off the table. If my writings are supposed to lead people to Christ then they will, if I am supposed to be published then I will, if they are just supposed to be nice reads then that is good too. If all they ever become is a blog, then so be it.

I want my time on earth to reflect Christ, I want to walk the walk and not just wear the t-shirts proclaiming my faith but then not have people see it in me, what good is that? Not much. I want Christ to be seen in who I am, whether it is giving to someone without, listening to someone or just being a positive voice in the life of others.

I am done thinking of myself as a someday kind of person, one day I will do what I feel I am called to do and then I will be somebody, someday I will be able to pursue my dreams. Today may be all that I have, lead me today Lord, use me today. Your will, not my own.

Keep on doing – written July 23, 2011

Debbie Sidusky — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 14:31:06 +0000

The past few days have really made me stop and think, with the Norway tragedy and other happenings in this world. So much hate towards this and that, some fighting for others, some fighting for themselves and could care less about anyone or anything else. This world, while still possessing good, seems to be spinning on a self centered core, a me vibe and it is a little hard to digest. I was raised to think of others and do unto others as you would have done to you, to be considerate, kind and caring. To have respect for people and for animals, to not look down on someone just because of a situation or the color of their skin or something out of their control.

More and more of this world just doesn’t make sense to me, how can we be so involved with self when so many are hurting and living without things most of us take for granted. This past week I was throwing a pity party for myself. I was preparing for VBS crafts and getting irritated over lack of space to lay things out. My desk is in the corner of our bedroom so it is pretty tight on space, I had stuff laid out over the desk and on the bed and was getting upset over the seeming disorganization. And then the thoughts started coming, “If only I had an office that I could work in and spread out without everything being on top of everything else. Why couldn’t there just be one little room in this house I could make an office and call it mine.” Those thoughts were still making an occasional appearance the next day and then I received an email from Compassion International, the agency we sponsor our little girl, Simegn through. The emailed was titled, “About your sponsored child in Ethiopia”, hmmm – never received one of these before. The email was sent to everyone who sponsors a child in that region because they are experiencing the worst drought they have had in 60 years, food and water are very scarce and the food that is still viable is very high priced because of the high demand. People in this area are starving to death and I am in a tizzy over not having a space to call my own. Shameful, downright embarrassing. Moments like these bring me back to why I’m here, not strictly for myself and my comfort, but for others comfort when they can’t help themselves.

Had to run to two different stores today, on the way I heard a bible verse on the radio that really spoke to me, John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” I really needed to hear that, sometimes, even as Christians we tend to forget that Jesus, in fact, overcame the world, not a bit of the world, not certain parts of the world, not certain countries but the whole world and God still has it in His Hand. He is not distant, he is not gone, but He is here and present and with us.

I had to make a return at the first store and it was a mixed experience, the customer service woman that helped me was very nice. I was returning extra craft supplies from VBS so she shared with me that she remembers teaching at VBS in a Baptist church in Nevada and she remembered how nice it was to share the Word of God with children. While we were talking about church, the next register held the scene of a woman having an absolute fit because she was not going to be given a full refund due to the fact she did not have a receipt. She kept saying over and over that she works at a school and teaches students right from wrong so she is aware that she is supposed to have a receipt but since she gave the sandals as a gift, the receipt did not get returned to her and the store should just honor her word even though she knew she needed a receipt for a full refund but didn’t have it.

This whole scene was just mindboggling, she knew she needed a receipt but since she didn’t have it the store should make an exception for her because she teaches kids right from wrong. Last thing I heard her say was, “I am not leaving until I get my full refund and I will talk to everyone working in this store until someone gives me what I want.” She could still be there for all I know. And she said she has gone through this before with this store, so if you have gone through it before then you should know what to expect. It was just sad that the nice conversation I was having was being overshadowed with the negative, demanding tone of another.

Next stop was the grocery store, nothing negative here but something very positive. We wrapped up VBS this morning so I was wearing my Faith Journey shirt, the back says, “Serving God by serving others.” A very kind woman stopped me and said, “I really like your shirt, that’s what it is all about!” Thank you Lord for this woman and using her as the reminder I needed to hear.

What we do in the name of the Lord does make a difference and is not in vain. Although in this world, the little acts of kindness are often overshadowed by big acts of unkindness, don’t stop doing the positive and making a difference, no matter how small.

Can’t have everything

Debbie Sidusky — Fri, 13 May 2011 14:00:52 +0000

The other night we were at the store and Shea wanted a pair of flip flops, which she already owns a few pair and a pair of sunglasses. My first instinct was to ask how much and if they were a few dollars then say okay to both. Then it occurred to me, I am not a bad mom if I don’t give my child everything she wants. Actually, giving her everything she wants is going to do more harm than good, she will expect everything she wants later in life and if it can’t be afforded that could lead to credit card debt or a sense of entitlement. I do not want either of my children to find tremendous value in material possessions or the address in which they will live. I want my children to have what they need in life and I trust God to provide for the needs, the wants is where the danger lies. This is a tough thing for me to admit because there are times where I folded, getting the girls what they wanted and would feel bad if they were upset or sad that they could not get the item. The guilt of a parent, there is not much worse. It really did hit me the other night that it is okay to not fulfill all the wants of a child.

Do you think God works this same way? He fulfills our needs on a daily basis, how often does He fulfill our wants? Probably more than we would like to admit. We like to look at what we don’t receive instead of what we do. Now, Shea was not upset that she could not get both, she chose the sunglasses since hers were broken and was happy with her choice and did not think again about the wanted flip flops. Can we be happy with the wants we have and not focus on the wants we have not received?

If God gave us everything we wanted, then who is really in control? Are we a part of His plan or are we trying to make Him a part of our plan?

Scars

Debbie Sidusky — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 15:47:29 +0000

The everyday reminders that you are still here for a reason. Some physical, some emotional, sometimes both. Across my stomach is a line, above that a little indention and on my ankle another smaller line. As a child I did not notice my scars, as a teenager going to the pool I noticed them tremendously, never wanting to show my stomach, it was not perfect and never would or could be, always a reminder. As an adult I am thankful for the reminders that tell me I must still be here for a purpose, for a reason.

Allow me to explain. I came into this world just like any other baby and continued to be “normal” for the next few weeks. Around week three or four weeks things began to change, I would drink a bottle but then throw it up, it got so bad that I eventually did not want to eat and would scream and cry all the time. My mom took me to the family doctor, to other doctors and they all said the same thing “She just has a bug of some sort and it will pass”. My mom’s motherly intuition knew better, she knew there was something much worse happening in my little body. At six weeks old an answer finally came, a doctor that finally did an xray and could see very clearly what was wrong. I was born with a malrotation of the large intestine which pretty much means my large intestine was in a knot, a loose knot at birth which grew tighter as I grew and eventually stopped anything from going through my intestines. Another symptom I had was nothing was coming out the other end and yet the doctors still said some sort of bug, obviously xrays were not used as commonly in the seventies as they are now but i think that would have been a good enough reason for one. Once my mom saw the xray she knew time was of the essence, she called my dad at work and both were at the hospital within the hour and I was being wheeled in for emergency surgery. As the nurses wheeled me away they asked my mom if she wanted to kiss me goodbye, she fell to her knees and cried. I hope that is the worst emotional pain I ever caused my parents, it still brings tears to my eyes when I think what she and my dad must have been going through.

The line across my stomach is where they cut my little six week old body, the indention above is where my feeding tube was placed and the line on my ankle is where my IV was inserted. All of these scars have grown and stretched with me over the years, I used to see them as imperfections and now I see them as a second chance at life, a reason for me to still be here. Now figuring out what that reason is will be a whole other story. To God be the Glory~

Underneath

Debbie Sidusky — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 14:03:06 +0000

The other morning Shea was very set on wearing a certain new shirt to church, which was fine. She put the shirt on, looked in the mirror and was good with what she saw. As we were getting jackets on to leave for church, she put on her usual hoodie and we left. After we arrived at church, I asked her to take off her hoodie and she said, “Nope, I want to keep it on.” Then what was the point of wearing the prized shirt underneath if you were never intending to take off the outer layer – I thought to myself. No sooner had I thought that a girl walked in wearing the exact same hoodie. Thought Shea might now take off her hoodie to show her shirt underneath so to not be looking exactly like someone else in the outer layers. Nope, still wanted the hoodie, only now she was crossing her arms to cover up the writing on the hoodie so maybe people would not be able to tell it was identical to someone else’s clothing.

How often do we do this? We have our inner layer we are eager to show others – maybe a talent or trade, a skill or hobby and then we cover it up with a layer of everyday and ordinary? Afraid of showing our inner self because of what others might think or say. I am not sure if Shea was afraid others would not like her shirt or if she just felt more comfortable and secure in the hoodie she has worn day in and day out for the past few weeks. She would rather be identical to another than risk showing the uniqueness the shirt underneath entailed.

God has blessed each of us with a talent or a calling, let’s take off our ordinary outer layers and let our shirts be shown. Keeping it to ourselves, buried under layers isn’t doing anyone any good. Let our callings be heard or read or seen, whatever your calling is. Don’t be afraid of what others might think, God gave you the talent so display it proudly, not boastfully but graciously, pointing all credit back to the Giver.

Are you ready to take off your hoodie?

Snow Trees

Debbie Sidusky — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 01:35:04 +0000

I saw these photos of a blizzard on a news website. The photos caught my eye, reminded me of a spiritual journey. The first picture reminds me of how we feel sometimes, all alone. The second picture reminds me of the Father reaching down to remind us we are not alone when we feel like we are bending and breaking. The third picture reminds me of the Holy Spirit, ever present, sometimes in the background.

No More..

Debbie Sidusky — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 20:25:12 +0000

What if we had no more tomorrows, no more time to procrastinate, no more time to waste, no more one days or some days, just no more. I don’t know about anyone else but if I counted all the wasted minutes, hours, days, weeks in my life it would be a sad, sad existence. I know I have spent a good amount of clicks of the clock on the computer just piddling time away, playing just one more game or searching for just one more inconsequential thing. I waste my time and then complain that I don’t have enough of it……kinda sounds silly when said aloud or put in writing. I make excuses for it too, well, it’s not like I have any earth shattering talents to show the world or any major masterpiece to finish before the unveiling so it is really a draw how I spend my time….

But, what if there was no more time? Have I done what I was put on this earth to do or did I just waste it all away, my existence as inconsequential as the last game of solitaire played. Did I reach anyone, did I touch anyone, did I do anything that made a difference or even mattered. These are hard questions when spoken as a monologue or even a dialogue. Did I live the best life I could, not the perfect life but the life that God intended me to live. Did I imitate and honor His Son to the best of my ability or did I look the other way more often than not. I think everyone wants to live the life that really mattered, I am not talking about fancy clothes and flawless looks, I am talking about really doing what was planted in their heart so long ago by the Creator. I have no idea where my journey might lead or even what path I am on or if I am making my own path, a path never ventured, a path unique to my footsteps. Will the steps be small or will they be leaps, will they be straight and narrow or will they dance to my own rhythm? I think these questions can best be answered after, in the calm of the last footstep. We can say we will follow our own path but I don’t think we really know if it was a ground breaking journey or if time had weathered away the footprints of someone long ago.

I don’t think it is important if we are making a fresh path in the world, I do think it is important that time is being used wisely. Are we using time to reach out, to help out, to listen, to reach for our dreams. I do not have a mind blowing educational resume. I have one high school diploma from a time when it was cool to use aerosol hair spray and a hair dryer to position your hair just the way you wanted, usually a good 3 inches from your scalp, needless to say, that diploma isn’t going to get me anywhere in this world, nada, nowhere, zilch. I went to a few colleges, took a few classes and then departed with nothing to show, my parents must be so proud. I have worked since I was 14 so working isn’t new to me, but doing something I love and making some money doing it would be a new threshold. I have the support and encouragement of a number of good friends and family and that may be all I need and of course God’s good graces and blessing me with something I don’t deserve. This year is half over and so far I have written more in these past six months than I ever have and have thoroughly enjoyed it! My journey, my dream, my passions are helping others and writing, I do believe we each have at least two passions, both fulfill your heart but one is just a bit more selfish than the other.

What is your passion? What were you put on this earth to do? And are you doing it?

Waiting game

Debbie Sidusky — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 21:24:18 +0000

The other morning Megan was complaining of how tired she was because she didn’t get to sleep until late. Her hamster, Macaroni, had taken a piece or two of corn into her solid, plastic wheel and the corn was bouncing around as she ran in the wheel. The noise was keeping Meg awake, she tried a pillow over her ears to try to suffocate the noise, tried humming to drown out the noise, and then just tried ignoring it which obviously didn’t work. I asked her if Macaroni had put the corn back in her wheel after Meg got up to take it out of the wheel – blank stare. “Mom, I didn’t get up to take the corn out, I tried to ignore the noise and hoped the corn would fall out on it’s own.” Well, the waiting game worked at some point since there was not corn in the wheel come morning. How long did she wait for the problem to self correct when she could have rectified it so much quicker by putting forth a little energy by getting up and taking the corn out of the wheel? She was afterall, already exerting energy and action by humming and holding a pillow over her ears, why not direct the action and energy towards a solution rather than a way to mask the situation and pretend it isn’t happening. She was losing sleep over something that could have been resolved quicker than it had been.

How often do we do this in life, ignore a problem hoping it will go away on it’s own. I think most of us do, I know I do. Sometimes the situation does resolve itself but more often than not, without some energy and action on our part, the problem just lingers and keeps coming back to get you. I am not saying that once a situation is resolved that another won’t arise but atleast one is behind you and you can stop trying to pretend it doesn’t exist and enjoy life for awhile.

Unmoved

Debbie Sidusky — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 02:27:43 +0000

As we were walking on a trail in Colorado a few summers ago, we stopped to watch a babbling brook. Absolutely gorgeous, the sound of the water so relaxing, so close to nature, so close to God. I was watching the water go by and something caught my eye, it was a little clump of sticks with a little pine mixed in. It seemed to be sitting on top of the water that was rushing by, looking closer I could see it was sitting on the very top of a little corner of rock. Most of the rock was underwater but this little corner was above the surface, the little clump sat on the rock, unaffected by the water that could knock it off it’s foundation at any given second. Water was rushing by that could have very easily undone this little masterpiece of nature. I gazed at this scene for about five minutes and the little clump stood firm, stood grounded to the rock, which provided it’s stability. I could have watched that brook all day, but the rest of the trail was beckoning, I took a quick picture and was on my way. This took place a year and a half ago and I still think of it often. The little clump being unshaken, unmoved, unbroken by life because it held dear to the rock that was keeping it above the commotion and chaos.

We are all little clumps of wonderful, learning how to keep strong to our rock, to our God and let the chaos of this world rush by us and remain unmoved.

Staircase of Life

Debbie Sidusky — Sat, 25 Dec 2010 15:12:10 +0000

While traveling on the staircase of life, always be nice to those you meet on the way up and on the way down, you never know if they are going in the same direction as you or if your paths will cross again. This was the message of a very vivid dream I had the other night.

In my dream we were touring a castle, the guide led us to an opening where there were staircases of various sizes. He was pointing to one of the stairwells and said very clearly, “No matter if you are on your way up or your way down on the great staircase known as life, always be nice to those you meet because you never know where they have been and you being nice to them may mean more to them than you will ever know.” He was also saying that many people see life as a grand staircase that you go up once and then come back down, but he was saying how he sees life as a series of staircases and you are continually going up or down and sometimes almost simultaneously. Take a few steps up and then be knocked back down. He said how life isn’t about making it to the top, in front of everyone else, but taking the time, whether going up or down to share a simple smile with someone.

This dream spoke to me, no matter what, treat people kindly because you never know people’s circumstances, what they may have just came out of, still in or just entering. It is not by sheer coincidence that most of us meet, it is by God’s plan. If we never take the time to get to know someone or even say hi, then His plan cannot be revealed and put into action. I am not an outgoing person by nature so this can be hard for me, trying to figure out how to start a conversation or engage in an existing conversation. I do find it easy to respond to the Holy Spirit’s invitations to serve and that will usually be what is needed to open the door to new friendships and to the people God is leading me to.

Whether you are walking in the same direction or just passing by, a simple smile may be all it takes to make someone’s day and give them the courage and optimism to take the next step.